Each November, millions of men grow mustaches for others. Movember began as a campaign to raise awareness for both prostate cancer and testicular cancer, while also raising awareness for men’s mental health. Research shows that men are less likely to express vulnerability, suppressing any emotions that can be perceived to be “weak”, or against the traditional, outdated form of masculinity that contains stoicism and a lack of emotional display. According to the Movember website, around 75% of all suicides are by men, and the main cause is untreated depression [1]. Therefore, the growing of facial hair turned into a symbol of invitation, one that invites others to talk rather than avoid it. In psychology, this is often referred to as social permission framing, a symbol that signals a particular behaviour is normal. Movember isn’t just about growing a fancy mustache to impress everyone; it’s also about saving people’s lives.
The psychological reasons for men refusing to talk.
Fear of vulnerability
From a young age, many boys associate showing vulnerability with loss of respect and status. In the playground, those who cried to their mothers were seen as weak and embarrassed by their peers. In academic life and schoolboy sports, those who give up before they finish an exam or play the full game are seen to be failures, unable to reach their full potential due to their weak mindset. Even in work, those who may not outwork everyone can be perceived as being incapable, leading many to try and outwork others to an unhealthy extent [2]. These factors lead to men rejecting any form of vulnerability, and this leads to an exacerbating cycle; if one cannot be open and vulnerable, it is difficult to find real relationships. Thus, the lack of vulnerability can lead to increased isolation for some individuals, worsening the fear of vulnerability as they become less used to being vulnerable and potentially blame themselves for the lack of good relationships they may have.
Masculine norms
We’ve all heard of the phrase “real men don’t cry”, or “man up”, or the stereotype that men are supposedly the “protector” or “provider” for the family. This causes what many psychologists call gender role socialisation, a lifelong process where an individual internalizes their behaviours, attitudes, and expectations deemed appropriate for their gender by society. This has detrimental effects on both men and women. For men specifically, it can lead to restrictive emotionality [3]. Restrictive emotionality is described as a chronic difficulty in expressing one’s emotions due to the societal expectations placed upon men, causing increased isolation, stress, and mental health issues. In more extreme cases, this can develop into medical conditions such as Alexithymia, or emotional blindness. It can cause difficulty feeling, describing, and understanding emotions of oneself and others. This aggravates the inability to speak out, as those with Alexithymia cannot even describe what goes through their brains, making dialogue increasingly difficult. Studies show that men are particularly vulnerable to this curable condition, double that in comparison to women [4].
Lack of role models
Men often do not see other men being vulnerable around them. But this is detrimental to the advocacy of men speaking out. In fact, studies find that men who attempt to commit suicide are very likely to have stoic father figures, discouraging emotional openness [5]. This creates a cycle of silence, further increasing and creating men who are increasingly more vulnerable to mental health issues.
Of course, this is not to say that the current situation is getting better. Groups such as CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) provide help to those in need and promote mental health awareness. Also, in the modern day, many form a parasocial (one-sided and emotional) relationship with celebrities. Thus, actors such as The Rock, or famous football players such as Marcus Rashford, talking and discussing topics related to mental health where they become vulnerable, is key. However, members of society must also be more vulnerable to each other so that these barriers to speaking out can be completely removed.
Linguistic mismatch
Another reason that men may find it difficult to speak up may be beyond psychology, but within linguistic issues. The lack of habitual conversations on feelings in comparison to women (women tend to show greater emotional expressivity [6]) can lead to the slower development of linguistic abilities to discuss emotions. In conversations where we may try and open up, bridges can collapse as the ability to illustrate our emotions may not be available, exacerbating the negative image one may have of opening up mentally.
For generations, men have been told to endure and not to feel. That silence has come at a cost: 518,000 men every year, 43,000 men every month, 9,960 men every week, 1,420 men every day, and 60 men every hour, 1 man per minute commit(s) suicide. By the time you finish reading this article, at least 2, if not 3, men would have committed suicide. It’s time to change this once and for all, and that is why Movember is such an important event every year.
References
- Movember, “Men’s Health: Mental Health & Suicide Prevention”, Movember Foundation website ( https://movember.com)
- Smollan, R. et al, “The bright side and dark side of performance expectations: the role of organizational culture and the impact on employee performance and wellbeing”, (2024), International Studies of Management & Organization, Taylor & Francis ( https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00208825.2024.2320580)
- Mahalik, J. et al, “Men’s restrictive emotionality: An Investigation of Associations With Other Emotion-Related Constructs”, (2003), Arizona State University Pure ( https://asu.elsevierpure.com/en/publications/mens-restrictive-emotionality-aninvestigation-of-associations-wi)
- Mattila, A. et al, “Age is strongly associated with alexithymia in the general population”, (2006), PubMed ( https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17084140/)
- Cleary, A., “Emotional constraint, father-son relationships, and men’s well-being”, (2022), Frontiers in Sociology ( https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/sociology/articles/10.3389/fsoc.2022.868005)
- Chaplin, T., “Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective”, PMC ( https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4469291)
